COME VISIT HISTORIC
CRADENSBURG
"The little town on seven hills."
Cradensburg Town News
Saddiq’s Soul Food Kitchen has served its signature dishes to Cradensburg residents for more than four years now. When it first opened its doors in 2018, it was slow going. “People weren’t sure what soul food was. A lot of people think soul food is fried chicken. Can’t be mad at them, though. They don’t know what they don’t know,” explains Saddiq, the 6’5 chef and owner who could as easily be a supermodel. He has an easy, even smile that actually goes “ding!” when he flashes it. At first, the only patrons who ventured into Saddiq’s were astonished individuals who had moved to New Hampshire from other locales. “They wandered in like stunned cattle,” Saddiq shared. “They looked up at the menu all bug-eyed. Like, your food has flavor? Is this a trick?” Thanks to word of mouth, other Cradensburg residents found their way to Saddiq’s kitchen. Within a month, Saddiq served up black-eyed peas, oxtail, soul-food style macaroni and cheese, collards, and cornbread to lines that extended a full quarter mile beyond the restaurant. Four years later, Saddiq still attracts those kinds of lines and has now moved to his more upscale location on Seventh Hill. “We’re still all heart though. Same recipes. Same service. Same smile. (ding!)” We asked Saddiq the secret ingredient to his food. What makes it stand out from so many other Cradensburg restaurants? In a word? “Salt. (ding!)”
Residents who were anticipating a new blinged-out tractor for summer farm work will have to wait an undetermined length of time before they can place their order at Blakey’s Custom Tractor Shop on Farm Hill. This is thanks to a mysterious vortex that has appeared over the shop. Bill Blakey, the owner, has closed the shop until the vortex closes. “The vortex is scarier looking than it is dangerous,” Blakey assures us. “However, our customers couldn’t hear our salespeople over all the apocalyptic thunder.” Blakey’s shop isn’t the only one affected by the vortex. The Center for Technical Writers of Cradensburg, located next door, has temporarily shut its doors until the paranormal weather clears. Kimberley Trinket, a spokesperson for the center, is taking it all in stride. “We have special underwriting in our insurance that covers mysterious vortexes. While I’m sure we may lose some business, our writers appreciate the time off to stare at other walls, fall down research holes, and get zero writing done in new and exotic locales.” For now, your new chrome trimmings will have to wait.
In 1976 when then Cradensburg mayor, Wilma Watkins-Watoosie, came up with the Parade of Llamas, Watkins-Watoosie stated that the reason for the parade was a simple one. “If you could have a parade of llamas, why wouldn’t you have a parade of llamas?” Since then, Cradensburg mayors have exercised the prerogative to throw a llama parade whenever it is politically convenient for them. Critics of Mayor Winnabee say that llamas are "a form of distraction" and cite the long relationship between embroiled politicians and these four-footed fluffy beasts. While it’s true that everyone loves llamas and the sight of one thousand llamas trouncing through town while chewing, sneezing, and sometimes spitting, can bring a sense of local pride, some residents take issue with what happens after the parade has left town. “I had to take a high pressure hose to my car tires,” one resident complained. “One thousand llamas generate a lot of—well, manure—in a four hour parade.” Some residents have pointed to the timing of the parade as a sign that Mayor Winnabee is nervous about reelection thanks to current crime spree of book burglaries, but Mayor Winnabee resists the characterization. “Look, it’s just your ordinary parade of a thousand llamas. The kids love it and what even marks the beginning of summer like a bunch of llamas. This is good, clean, Cradensburg fun at its best and part of a long tradition.” Local joggers and members of the Run from Monsters fitness club have complained that the llamas leave “landmines for days” and that llama farmers should fit the llamas with tail bags to reduce the mess. “That’s a wonderful idea,” said Mayor Winnabee. “Just one problem. Who says the llamas come from farmers? Who knows where these llamas come from at all?” Where these llamas come from, and who will clean up their mess are two questions some residents will consider this weekend. Most, however, will simply be happy to see all the happy, hairy llamas.
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